Hormones suck

I don't know what was up with my, why I was acting so crazy. But then again even as I say that, I don't think that I was crazy. I was being a girl.

Normally, I can deal with those sorts of emotions and I don't let them interfere with my relationships.

I blames hormones.

Anywho, for some reason or another I feel better. Sorta.

I mean I still stand beside everything that I said. I wasn't lying about missing him or wanting to be wanted. But at least I got myself more under control to where I can control that.

It sounds like I'm just shoving it away...but it's more like I'm just not letting it rule me. I let it out every now and then. I take it out for a walk, give it fresh air.

But yea. Hormones suck.

Melodramatic-ness

I guess this will be for whoever is listening/reading, but I feel kinda shitty. I mean. I feel like I'm in this weird place right now. I'm sad but I'm mad but I'm not really mad because I really don't want to get mad.

I really don't have a good grasp of what I'm feeling. I want to spend spring break with my boyfriend, but he's going to Vegas with his mom. I was like ok at first. I get to see him at school. She wants some time alone. I was fine with this.

But then shit starts hitting the fan and now I never see him. He's always working on critiques for his art studios and busy and hardly texts me. I don't want to be selfish I really don't. My mom always said that in a relationship when you start asking "how does this benefit me" you start going downhill. But I'm not overly demanding. I try super hard not to be. I just want some special time with my man :(

And when I tried talking to him again tonight, I was timid and weird and distant. I knew it wouldn't really matter anyway. He plans everything so right in front of him. He doesn't see any further than his next crit. then what's happening this week. So when I asked when they're leaving for Vegas he said he'd know when his mom told him to get on the plane. It only bothers me sometimes when it comes to our relationship that he doesn't always seem to take the time to think about us you know?

And yea so I really don't want to go home for spring break. My friends never do anything for spring break. Kent explicitly said that he's not coming home, that he's going to go off with friends. And plus there's another family living with my family. And the parents are living in my room. So if I come home I can't even be in my own room for that week. How sucky is that?

And really I guess I am pulling the selfish card :( I don't want to go home, partly because it'll be weird for me, but really in all honesty because I want some quality time with my guy. Is that too much to ask for? I know I "get to see him all the time" here at school. But that's not quality time. We're both so stressed with all my reading and papers due and all his art critiques that it's always so strained. We never go anywhere really. Just hang out at his house. And even now we hardly do that because we don't have the time. :(

It's just....I feel like I miss him....even when he's here....

And I just wish that he wanted to spend as much time with me as I want to with him, but he seems to just kinda push it off and say that I get to see him during the school year. Well...she spent 18 years with you and I've only just come into your life. Can't I have a little more time for us?

I know I sound whiny....and I hardly ever sound this melodramatic....

Idk....I guess above everything else I want to spend quality time with him and I wish that he wanted to spend quality time with me :(

But I guess we don't always get what we want outta life.

I DON'T WANT TO WORK ON MY DEBATE STUFF!!!

grrrr

I have this argument and debate class.
I hate it.
I don't really like the prof.
And I'm paired up with this doofus.
So I bet I'm going to have to do most of the work.
And I'm stuck with him for the next 2 debates, which are our last two.
And I don't think I have a good grade.
She doesn't have anything posted so I don't actually know.
I just donnnn't liiiike it.......

meh